When I (Lydia) look back on the first year with our baby, I realise that it was a challenging time for me, unlike anything else in my life. I had been really looking forward to our child and couldn’t wait to finally become a mum – which had always been my wish. But I underestimated how much having a child would change my life and ours.
The Beginning
On top of that, our start wasn’t easy, because Josua got an infection the day after he was born and had jaundice, so we spent the first 10 days of his life in the hospital. That was very stressful for us, because we had to deal with the hospital bureaucracy while everything was suddenly different and new with the baby. In addition, Josua had difficulty learning to breastfeed, so I had to pump milk during the first few weeks.
But even during this time, we experienced how God carried us through. For example, it was a miracle for us that Benjamin and I were both able to stay in the children’s ward so that we could go through this first period together. We are also grateful for the kindness we experienced from the nurses in the children’s ward. One evening, when the hormonal changes brought on the mummy blues, God sent me an angel, namely a very kind night nurse who took good care of me.
Finally Home
When we were finally allowed to take our child home, we had to learn how to care for our newborn as new parents… We had a very kind midwife who supported us for several months. She taught us a great deal about baby care and also provided valuable assistance with breastfeeding. After a month and a half, we experienced a breakthrough, because from then on, the breastfeeding worked – I no longer needed to pump milk and my midwife said I had ‘cream in my breasts’ because Josua was gaining weight very well. 🙌
New Daily Routine with a Baby
My ideas about things we could do alongside having a child were quickly thrown out the window. We were just happy to be able to cope with our new daily routine with a child at all. It was so helpful that Benjamin had two months of parental leave, so we were able to grow into this new life as parents together. I am very grateful that my husband can cook and also took care of the laundry until I was able to take on these tasks again.
I couldn’t have imagined how time-consuming it is to have a child and take care of them, and how little time is left for anything else. In the first few weeks, this sobering realisation hit me and I realised that I couldn’t just attend the ongoing Family Ministry School in YWAM, if only because of the milk pumping. To be honest, I didn’t know that babies needed help farting and falling asleep… Somehow, taking care of milk, nappies and all those things filled up the day, while Benjamin and I also had needs… So I had to learn all over again to set priorities and often put my needs behind those of the baby. I was also challenged not to let my baby’s crying stress me out and to remain at peace.
My role at YWAM changed a lot and I learned that I had to plan specifically if I wanted to attend anything. And yet that I always had to be ready to throw those plans out the window, because the baby might get sick or suddenly fall asleep or not fall asleep or want milk again… At some point, it occurred to me that as a mum, you learn in a very practical way to lay down your own life for your children – as Jesus says: ‘No one has greater love ❤️ than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.’ (John 15:13)
Relearning Everything as a Mum
I think every young mum has to learn how to respond to her child’s needs without losing herself in the process. Suddenly, the time given has to be enough to take care of a child, the household and yourself. And you’re still a wife, too.
Since I was single for many years and also married to Benjamin for some time without having children, I had many habits and ways of dealing with things that suddenly no longer worked: Sleeping in on weekends. Time alone to recharge my batteries. My daily lunch break. Spontaneously going somewhere. Pondering my thoughts and reflecting undisturbed. Thinking things through and planning in peace. Having two hours alone with God. Focusing entirely on God in worship…
These changes were difficult for me as a steady person. Getting things done quickly and ‘Carpe Minutam!’ became life-saving principles for us. Nevertheless, it was exhausting to constantly have to overthrow one’s plans, be interrupted and often feel ineffective… But God trusted me to become a mum. To learn anew how life with a child works. And he chose me to be Josua’s mum. That’s why I’m the best mum my child could have. (And Benjamin is the best dad. 😉) That gives us confidence.
Not just Functioning, but Flourishing 🌷
Internally, I often felt the tension of not only wanting to function and somehow manage everyday life, but also having the desire to flourish myself. During this time, a mentor encouraged me not to lose myself. Because things were already important to me in my life before I became a mum. These were now being put to the test in my everyday life as a mum.
So, while Benjamin was looking after Josua, I went for a walk and thought about what is really important to me – what makes me flourish – and how I can incorporate that into my everyday life. Among other things, the following have become important to me: Praising God regularly and spending time alone with Him while Benjamin looks after Josua. Having space for spiritual fellowship and exchange with others. Meeting up with friends from time to time. Having time to do my back exercises. Going to the hairdresser. And so I try to plan these things into my everyday life again and again, so that I don’t lose myself, but can also flourish.
What is Important to Us as a Family…
During this time, we also thought about what is important to us as a couple and as a family. For example, we often celebrated Shabbat together on Friday evenings. When Josua started going to bed earlier in the evening, it was no longer as stress-free as it had been before. So we looked for a new framework that suited us and instead started having a hearty breakfast with Shabbat celebrations on Saturday mornings. It was also important to us to have one day of rest per week, and we are still learning how that can work with a child and still be restful for us.
We made a conscious decision to work for the Kingdom of God as a family even before we had a child. And now we get to spell out 🔤 how that works. When we want to engage individually in ministry (or when one of us needs time for ourselves), we try to have the other take care of the child so that our partner has their back free. When we want to engage together, we have to find ways to do so as a couple or as a family.
…And How We Put It Into Practice
At the family camp a year ago, one of us held Josua on our lap while we lead worship together. Now Josua needs more entertainment and can be looked after by others for a while. That’s why Benjamin and I led worship together a few weeks ago while someone else played with him. At the couples‘ weekend, we offered a workshop on the topic of ‘Praying Together’ – while Josua took his afternoon nap, and later I simply brought him along.
We also had to plan our trip to the Family Ministry Conference in Albania in a way that worked for us as a family: for example, with overnight stays at the airport so that we could catch our flight early in the morning. Once in Albania, Benjamin tended to participate in the programme in the evenings because I put Josua to bed, but in return he took care of Josua in the mornings so that I could join in the worship.
We both thrive when we have deep conversations with other people and are able to encourage others. That’s why we love it when we find time as parents to do this, for example while we’re eating with others or having such conversations while Josua is asleep.
To Wrap Up…
After a while, I realised that being a parent means learning for the rest of your life, because you get to accompany your children through ever-changing stages of life. And things that worked for a while suddenly stop working, and you get to (or have to 😜) constantly learn something new.
In any case, it remains challenging and exciting. Being a parent is a wonderful thing, and we are on our way. We are grateful to God that we are allowed to walk this path. And that we are allowed to learn more and more about love along the way.
